Sweet New Hulk Juice

Hey dudes. For all of you that don't know, hulksie is a huge Dew connoisseur. I've been on board since I first tasted my first drop of the original, but my love of the Dew has only grown through the ages. I'd like to take you on a little trip down memory lane ultimately to discuss the newest addition to the Dew lineup.

The Original Mountain Dew (1948-Present)
This sexy, sweet, citrusy beverage was first marketed in 1948. If you haven't tried this, you're probably living in a hole somewhere. This is the drink of the gods. Perfect for juicing up before a sweet night of hardcore drinking. Goes great with vodka.

Diet Mountain Dew (1984-Present)
Not really Mountain Dew. Tastes vaguely of watered-down piss. Avoid at ALL costs. Recent studies in medical journals attest to the fact that DMD causes cancer, reduces sperm count, and can cause children to be born with the heads of golden retrievers.

Caffeine Free Mountain Dew (Uncertain-Present)
WTFuck is the point? Like all books published by Nicholas Sparks, the recipe for this monstrosity should be tossed into a bonfire.

Code Red (2001-Present)
Taste a sensation as real as the streets, bitches. I had this cherry-flavored Dew strapped through an IV during high school. Probably my favorite pick. Great for late night gaming and hangover cure.

AMP (2001-Present)
An excellent alternative to Red Bull. Tastes just like MD but flatter and with more caffeine and shit.

LiveWire (2003-Present)
An orange flavored version of MD. Not this author's favorite, but I'd recommend it over Caf-Free or Diet.

Baja Blast (2004-Present)
This light blue, tropical fruity concoction was a personal fav as a pick-me-up before shredding up the slopes. It's only available at T-Bell... like I needed another reason to go there!

Pitch Black (2004, retired)
This sweet grapy soda made my transition to college much easier. I had my mini-fridge stocked with this shit freshman year. I cried when they retired it, but...

Pitch Black 2 (2006, retired)
They re-released it with a new, sour grape formula. Not nearly as good as the original, but still great because it was like the original, except it tasted like they added some grape warheads to it.

So you may ask yourself why I'm all worked up. Well dear reader, it's because, much to this author's excitement, MD has released three (!) new flavors. I recently made a trip to OP only to discover the new versions of a classic:

Revolution – A blue, wild berry flavor
Supernova – A pink, strawberry, melon, and lime flavor
Voltage – A blue raspberry-citrus flavor

Best part? They all contain ginseng! IDK WTFuck ginseng is, but it's in there!

Also, Chuck Norris drink Mountain Dew. Fuckin Sweet.