My weekend with the fairies

So the weekend of my birthday, I was stuck in Seattle for work. I was pretty bummed out, but we caught a limo from the airport which, let's face it, is pretty badass.

As the driver helped me with my bags, I saw a weird group of people on the corner. They had wings and tights, but you know, Seattle's got some weird dudes so I paid it no mind.

When I got into the hotel, they were everywhere... FairyCon West was being held at our hotel. I couldn't stop giggling, greatest thing that could happen for a bro who has to troubleshoot computer stuff at 3am on his birthday instead of drinking.

Also, the fairies were awesome... Way better than the conference the next weekend... Better Bricks?

Last Hurrah

I am unfortunately travelling again. The unfortunate part is not that I'm travelling, but that travel takes me to Saginaw, MI. I wasn't sure where exactly I was, so I thought I'd map it.


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Since I've been gone a lot, my life partner and I had a going away bash last night. OK, it wasn't really a bash, but it involved some of my favorite things, including a going-away party (that wasn't for me).

We started with a lovely single malt scotch tasting at Barrique's. We frequent the wine tastings often, but this was the first time I had been to their scotch tasting. It was fantastic, but it pushed me to the limits of my capabilities. I had to stop and look at my WWDDD cuff links once or twice near the end (there were 8 total, each about a shot). My life partner doesn't like scotch and opted for a glass of wine instead. I came away with a good buzz and shopping list for later.

We had 8:00 reservations at Johnny Delmonico's. I had never been, but felt at ease the moment the coat check girl took our coats and provided us with a ticket. Our waiter was wildly attentive and the water guy was able to keep up with my scotch-induced thirst - I was actually really impressed, I think I consumed two gallons of water over the course of dinner. Like JC, I also had a going problem.

We started with a fantastic dish of bacon wrapped scallops. They combined two of my favorite things, bacon and things wrapped in bacon. My life partner ordered the chicken and pasta soup and the Scottish Salmon. I chided the soup choice, but it actually turned out to be quite delightful. I chose the 14 oz New York Strip, medium rare, and a baked potato. Naturally, I needed a change from all the scotch, so I ordered a Woodford Manhattan (a Grey Goose Dirty Martini for the Missus).

We followed up dinner with a seasonally appropriate Apple Crisp before leaving for the penthouse rooftop dessert soiree. The soiree was actually a going-away bash for a friend of a friend, but it was dessert themed. We sipped cider and snacked on truffles before making our exit.

I only recall this to help get through my hotel room dinner of Lean Cuisine Chicken Fried Rice and Campbell's Chunky Soup. I can't wait for Wednesday.

Arizona: Eatin' Steaks, Drinkin' Scotch, and Stompin' Hippies - Part 2

Sunday
I woke up to my phone ringing to the beat of the pounding in my head. "We're going to Sedona, you should come." Sure, sounds like a great cure for a hangover - a two hour drive through winding mountain roads. I puked for good measure before leaving the hotel and slept off the worst of it on the drive.

Sedona is internationally recognized as the New Age capital of the world. What does that mean? A lot of fucking hippies with crystals and chakras and incense. My friend is apparently into that shit, because she got her Aura read. Needless to say, it was a challenging day. Other than the hippies, Sedona is pretty much just a tourist trap, not unlike the Dell's. One long strip of shops set with a gorgeous mountain backdrop. The girls were content shopping, I was content sitting outside looking at the mountains.

Dinner at Chipoltle. To make it more interesting I took the Mustang out for a spin and cranked Phoenix's equivalent of the Z. Bumpin.

Monday
Work 7-2, not too shabby. Some work back at the hotel accompanied by some Mad Men. No one was interested in dinner, so I flew solo. Ruth's Chris Steak House bugs the shit out of me. Ruth's Chris? What the hell does that mean. Honestly, I had never gone solely because of that retarded name. Any way, Macallan 12 yr and a filet mignon as thick as my hair. A fellow frequent flier was next to me at the bar watching the Packer game. When he heard that I pay for my own booze he offered to buy my next one, but I had a 6:00am flight, so I headed off to bed.

Tuesday
Write off for travel. Burger at Brasserie V. Good, but somewhat of a let down after 3 nights of fantastic steak.

Hey Phoenix - not too shabby. Thanks for the steak. I'd give it 4 out of 5.

Arizona: Eatin' Steaks, Drinkin' Scotch, and Stompin' Hippies - Part 1

Phoenix, like Las Vegas and Dubai, is a city that wasn't meant to be. I think it becomes easier to see when you fly in to PHX. The Grand Canyon is God's line in the sand from when he said, "Come on, live here, I dare ya". I worked most of the flight, but when I ran out of stuff to do, I popped in Mad Men. That may or may not have influenced a lot of my later behavior.

Wednesday

Phoenix is well laid out. Leaving the airport is really not that difficult, especially if you have some idea of where you're headed. It's also easy to see where you're going because there are few buildings taller than two stories. I had reservations at the Courtyard off Camelback, nothing to write home about, but a decent place with a pool. The group I was traveling with decided on Cheesecake Factory. I think the high altitude had affected my testicles because I ordered a salad and didn't get dessert. Don't worry friend, I made up for it later.

Thursday

Up at 3:45 (AM) and worked until 2:00 (PM). I had more work back at the hotel, but at 6 I met up with two of the guys I was traveling with and we went to Houston's for dinner. Steak (1) and Woodford Reserve on the rocks. Best steak I'd had in a long time. We walked to Cheesecake Factory for dessert and a Maker's Mark. Good night.

Friday

Fortunately, I only worked 6 to 2, much better. Dinner sucked. Aho Al's for Mexican - everyone kept going on about the Mexican. It tasted just like fucking Pedro's. I would have rather gone to Laredo's. What the hell - plus, no scotch or steak. Then a lovely evening with Don Draper and the boys.

Saturday

I had the weekend off, but I had pretty much resigned myself to sitting in my room all day and watching TV. At about 11, I felt pathetic and went down to get some coffee. One of the girls I started with was in the lobby doing work. We entertained the idea of going to Sedona, but had some work, so we put Sedona off.

After a short stint of working, we decided to hit the pool. We ran into a couple other people and I decided it would be a good idea to start drinking - don't worry, it was past noon. Trader Joe's was just around the corner, so we went. I got a personal sixer of AZ brews and the girls got wine. We spent the afternoon drinking in the pool. I learned that being resourceful is a very important trait for the business traveler. You can find almost everything you need for a delightful day of drinking in your hotel. I got a bottle opener from the front desk, ice bucket for my beer from the room, and a mini fridge to store leftovers (hah!).

I had finished my six pack when we learned of a group going to Morton's for dinner. I was very much into the idea of more steak after the terrible Mexican experience. I owned Morton's. Start with a beautiful 15 yr Laphroaig, neat, and a french onion soup followed by a Woodford Reserve Manhattan and a perfect 22oz NY strip for dinner. Best steak I'd had in a couple days. Coffee and an Old Fashioned for dessert at the bar with a friend. We A-Steaked at a trendy bar nearby with another Manhattan. At this point, I think I had spent $100 on booze for the day, I felt pretty good.

Back to the hotel for a midnight dip in the hot tub and some vodka drinks with the girls (who had not joined at the bar). After that, I thought it'd be a good idea to go to a bar and things got a little sloppy after that.

grenyarnia has good infomercials

for jc, sammy (...fatass), and me:



it won't make your shit the size of your forearm or send you creepy emails and text messages when you stop working out, but it might make you look more like teh hulk (ca 2000-01).

douchebaggery-in-flight (and beer)

So I'm back in Grenyarnia and I'm having a hell of a time. Well, sorta. It's been like 50 and foggy since I landed.

Funny story about the flight, you know how I take up space like a gas? Well, on my flight to the twin cities, i was in the middle seat (i know right... just imagine). The guy in the window seat is about the size of your average chad, but this guy spread his leg out past his seat... his leg was clearly in my leg-zone and i'm stuck in the middle - i can't really move much towards the aisle because the other guy was already on the verge of encroaching into my zone. I wasn't really sure how to approach the situation... I figured the "call flight attendant" button would be a little extreme, but really, this situation is akin to the dude-just-sat-down-in-stall-next-to-me-and-started-shitting-even-though-i-was-clearly-shitting-first situation, at least in terms of awkwardness and difficulty to resolve. If you could have seen my face, it probably captured the same emotion as greb's "are ya kiddin me??" gesture when another driver does something douchebaggy.

How did I deal with it? Well friend, it wasn't easy. I was clearly swooped, if you will. but not in the queer way like when one of you homos loses a girl's attention to some other tmsocr, more like the "whoa, that dude just took the last beer" or "shit, someone ripped on jc and/or slider before i got a chance" or "fuck, this dude's leg is in my space" sorta way.

How did I get unswooped? First, I asserted my dominance by doing the crotch-adjust-plus-leg-stretch. He caught on a bit, but continued to push the limits. Next, I slowly moved my leg towards him, creating awkward (and somewhat sweaty) position in which our legs were touching pretty firmly. Unfortuntately, midway through the flight, he fell asleep and seemed more or less ok with our leg-to-leg contact. I became increasingly brazen in my leg contact until he finally switch positions and ceded the leg space that was rightfully mine.

Huh, I didn't really think that would take up so much space. well, no post is complete without some flashy photo journalism revolving around food and libations:

This is a pretty famous portlander brew, McMenamins' Terminator Stout. The McMenamin brothers are pretty sweet; they buy old properties and turn them in to brewpubs, etc. It's like a combination of teh old fashionedxorz and teh house on teh roxxorz. The one I went to was an old school. my words and picture don't really do it justice - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McMenamins. the beer was pretty good, but overhyped... portlanders think very highly of their beers. pride before the fall, bitches.

yeah, it's not caviar and champagne, but i'm not james bond (yet). i appreciate sampling the fare of other locales, so i got a philly cheesesteak, southwest eggrolls, and a manhattan... that covers at least three states, i think.

xoxo from the city that refuses to enforce federal immigration policies

Welcome to the South, out of Roanoke.

I didn't meet a trucker, but I found this on my way in and it made me chuckle.



Also, it's not so bad here. It was snowing when I pulled in, but they sell booze til midnight so I got a bottle of wine because I couldn't find whisky or beer or gin or vodka or wine coolers or rubbing alcohol. Also, I have H.BO which is great because Sookie Stackhouse is hot and they play both Georgia Rule and Die Hard II, which, let's face it, is never on. FYI, whatsherface is pretty f'd up in Georgia Rule (type cast?) and I no longer wonder why they never play Die Hard II.

I also have a bitchin pad.



Also, I have a pretty sweet recliner.

BTdubs, did you know that they made American Psycho II: All American Girl starring Mila Kunis and William Shatner, directed by Morgan Freeman!? I know, right! Alright, so it's Morgan J. Freeman... not the guy from the Toppers phone call. Yeah, I thought it was a joke too, but it's not. I'm planning on giving it 3 WTFs!?, 1 Are Ya Kiddin' Me?, and a 5 out of 5 on Netflix.

Live! From Grenyarnia: Day the Second

This pretty much sums up my experience so far. Take that for what you will.

Live From Grenyarnia

First off, let me just say that my flight plan got changed. I now fly in and out through the Twin Cities. That said, if anyone is still considering going there next weekend, let me know. I made the mistake of using the restroom in Minneapolis/St. Paul, that place is cruisy as fuck.

I got in at midnight local time last night after the longest cab ride ever. There was supposed to be a shuttle for me from the airport, but I was informed that the driver had already gone home. I have no idea what language the cab driver spoke, but his voice-activated Garmin was not talking English (it might have been Svenborgian... paupers). He tried to drop me off at 9300 Sunnyside Ave (a taco bell) when I needed to get to 9300 Sunnybrook Blvd. I tried to explain to him that, although a chalupa sounded really good, I was tired and wanted to get to the hotel instead.

Now I have missed the breakfast because I overslept so I'm going to do some exploring.