On Having Buskus' Back

So, many moons ago, I told Buskus that I've got his back... errregardless of context. Luckily, there have never been any real situations where I've had to step up. In fact, I've found that the worst transgressor is myself. Let's recap.

On at least two occasions, I have sack-tapped the Buskus without provocation. Well, I suppose "sack-tapping" is a bit of a misnomer. I knocked his junk pretty fucking hard. On another occasion, upon greeting the Buskus, I immediately slapped him across the face. I still don't know why I did this. Roid Rage I guess. How did I resolve these gross infractions of bodyguard/normal person responsibilities, you might ask? By immediately apologizing. It's quite hard to stay mad at a dude that realizes he's just been an asshole. Additionally, I was probably pretty drunk. It's even harder to stay mad at a drunk asshole that quickly apologizes for being an asshole. Does this relinquish me of all guilt? Not really. But it does serve as a learning device for potential future encounters. Let's consider.

If the Buskus was to get into a situation in which steppin'-up would be required, my first instinct would be to immediately slap the potential aggressor or knock him in the balls. This would serve two purposes. First, it would remove the focus from the Buskus, who it is my sacred duty to protect (at most costs). More importantly, it would allow me to immediately apologize to the potential transgressor for my behavior. Inevitably he or she (hehe... she) would forgive my transgression and we could later joke about it with our friends, thus safely diffusing the situation and allowing me to hit someone in the balls (an extra bonus, I guess).

You might wonder what my motivation is to remove the Buskus from the fray. Some of you might think that it's because the Buskus couldn't handle himself. "Hohoho," I chortle in response to your ill-informed retardness. The Buskus needs no protection. I'm not protecting the Buskus from an aggressor. Nuh nuh nuh no, I'm protecting the aggressor from the Buskus. You see, from what I've heard, the Buskus won't fight you.

He'll kill you.