End of an Era

Tomorrow, George W. Bush will no longer be our president. Some black dude is taking over. Things will probably get a lot more hip-hoppy up in this piece. They might even put a base line into the national anthem.

More importantly, tomorrow is a time for reflection. Will Bush be remembered as one of the greatest presidents in American history? Only time will tell. He has taught me a lot in 8 years, though. Bush took me through high school and college in supreme form. I learned that Brazil is big. Like, super big. I also learned that it is definitely OK to make up anything about third world countries that I don't like as a means to invade said country and then kill a lot of people. Hooray!

More things to reflect upon: the word "resolve" can never be overused. Being president is tough, guys, and he showed us that you cannot quit no matter how tough it gets. You might even say he showed excellent resolve. BENJONES!

Is our children learning? Perhaps. Let's not misunderestimate the nation's children. Wait, what?

War is fun. Let's face it, killing other people in the name of USA USA USA USA USA USA is totally worth it. Freedom isn't free, my friends. Freedom isn't free.

W has inspired me to simply be referred to by the first letter of my middle name. Feel free to start calling me "P." It's funny because P is like Pee, which is another name for urine. Example: "Where's Jeremy at?" "Oh, P is over there." "Who peed where?!" And then we laugh.

We should also reflect on the fact that nobody should be left behind as America plunges forward in an effort to secure its position as greatest country ever in the annals (super close to anal) of history. Especially children. We can't leave them behind. Why would we want to do that? Children grow up to became hot pieces of ass that we jerk off to while checking out porn sites. Or music videos, if you are paranoid about somebody looking through your history. Some music videos are just like softcore porn. You guys remember that music video of Britney Spears where she's on Mars? Total cameltoe action in that vid!

George Bush has inspired me to run for FEMA director. Is that an elected position? Who cares! it's the easiest job ever! I will be expected to aid those in crisis situations, but if I don't, the president will still love me. Hell, I might get promoted if I start shooting victims of hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, and earthquakes!

Ultimately, however, we must remember one thing: Fool me once, shame on Dick Cheney. Fool me twice, shame on Osama bin Laden. Fool me three times...well, just don't mess with Texas. Where the fuck is Osama anyway? You guys think he gets cable in the caves?