Top 5 "Justin Timberlake Sex Tape!" Comments

With 35,300+ views and 33 user ratings averaging two out of a possible five stars, "Justin Timberlake Sex Tape!" has become the first search result when entering "Justin Timberlake Sex Tape" and "Timberlake+Borat+Naughty." It has been favorited seven times, and is linked from five different sites, one of which is an online forum debate thread on the size of Justin's penis! In commemoration of the upcoming two-year anniversary of the release of "Justin Timberlake Sex Tape!" below is a director's list of the five greatest user comments.

5. ""justin timberlake has sex with borat" HAHAHA! i knew there was no way it was a vid of borat n justin gettin it on, but i still had 2 check it out lol"
-leirgauk
note: leigauk hails from Norway, and has posted 1 video himself, entitled "Gayest Commercial Ever!" which I just watched and rated three stars.

4. "now dat is fake al right"
-kristypretty1997
I chose this comment for Kristypretty1997's brutal honesty. Her comment correctly identifies the false nature of the video.

3. "omg, i was hoping to see timberlake tooshy but no... not funny."
-purpledinosaurrr
note: Purpledinosaurr is 18 and a part of Justin Timberlake Sex Tape!'s large British fanbase.

2. "HOW THE HELL could you think this RUBBISH video resembled JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE in any way you absolute SAD CASE!
VERY POOR
I might even report you ..."
-CrazyboyRik

note: (CrazyboyRik is British, and a self described "fun - lovin' crazy boy who's always up for a laff." Check out his youtube profile for an excellent response comment from our friend Junkalicious.

1. "he's not that FUCKING FAT!!"
-lollypoplollypop1234

note: (lollypoplollypop1234 is 20 years old and from Finland!)

Caption Contest Winner #14

Sam most definitely won the last caption contest. We are a bunch of fat asses now who don't fit into any of our clothes. Or mustaches for that matter. In honor of Grebutron graduating, here is the next caption contest:

The Living Legend(s) Part II

Doesn't Dave Matthews have the best politics?

untitled

The Living Legend(s)

Can I get a witness out here? Amen.

my favorite songs: 2008

oh hai. here's some of my favorite songs this year.

Happy Holidays Everybody

Continuing to come to you first with all things cookie and/or phallus: Ewwww, gross (NSFW).

And who won the caption contest?

Emma Watson: I'd Go Naked

directly related to the video below, I "stumbled" upon this article today during my daily google search of
Hermione+womanhood+wizard-boobs.

"I'm at a strange age... I'm not a woman yet, but I'm not a girl any more."

Jizz In My Pants

If everyone hasn't stumbled upon this already you probably would have in the near future. Still, this is important.

I recall a similar experience when Buskus first consented to being my lab partner.

grenyarnia has good infomercials

for jc, sammy (...fatass), and me:



it won't make your shit the size of your forearm or send you creepy emails and text messages when you stop working out, but it might make you look more like teh hulk (ca 2000-01).

douchebaggery-in-flight (and beer)

So I'm back in Grenyarnia and I'm having a hell of a time. Well, sorta. It's been like 50 and foggy since I landed.

Funny story about the flight, you know how I take up space like a gas? Well, on my flight to the twin cities, i was in the middle seat (i know right... just imagine). The guy in the window seat is about the size of your average chad, but this guy spread his leg out past his seat... his leg was clearly in my leg-zone and i'm stuck in the middle - i can't really move much towards the aisle because the other guy was already on the verge of encroaching into my zone. I wasn't really sure how to approach the situation... I figured the "call flight attendant" button would be a little extreme, but really, this situation is akin to the dude-just-sat-down-in-stall-next-to-me-and-started-shitting-even-though-i-was-clearly-shitting-first situation, at least in terms of awkwardness and difficulty to resolve. If you could have seen my face, it probably captured the same emotion as greb's "are ya kiddin me??" gesture when another driver does something douchebaggy.

How did I deal with it? Well friend, it wasn't easy. I was clearly swooped, if you will. but not in the queer way like when one of you homos loses a girl's attention to some other tmsocr, more like the "whoa, that dude just took the last beer" or "shit, someone ripped on jc and/or slider before i got a chance" or "fuck, this dude's leg is in my space" sorta way.

How did I get unswooped? First, I asserted my dominance by doing the crotch-adjust-plus-leg-stretch. He caught on a bit, but continued to push the limits. Next, I slowly moved my leg towards him, creating awkward (and somewhat sweaty) position in which our legs were touching pretty firmly. Unfortuntately, midway through the flight, he fell asleep and seemed more or less ok with our leg-to-leg contact. I became increasingly brazen in my leg contact until he finally switch positions and ceded the leg space that was rightfully mine.

Huh, I didn't really think that would take up so much space. well, no post is complete without some flashy photo journalism revolving around food and libations:

This is a pretty famous portlander brew, McMenamins' Terminator Stout. The McMenamin brothers are pretty sweet; they buy old properties and turn them in to brewpubs, etc. It's like a combination of teh old fashionedxorz and teh house on teh roxxorz. The one I went to was an old school. my words and picture don't really do it justice - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McMenamins. the beer was pretty good, but overhyped... portlanders think very highly of their beers. pride before the fall, bitches.

yeah, it's not caviar and champagne, but i'm not james bond (yet). i appreciate sampling the fare of other locales, so i got a philly cheesesteak, southwest eggrolls, and a manhattan... that covers at least three states, i think.

xoxo from the city that refuses to enforce federal immigration policies

Games for Buskus, Episode 1: (edit)

What if I were a Buskus? So glad you asked. I would probably start by getting some cookies from my handsome cookie-guy and play the crap out of this. Because it's so trippy and pleasant.

Edit: fixed link for a Buskus

Some improvement?

Sounds a bit better to my ear, at least its upbeat and could be fun live. Let's hope he's got some killer rockers on the album.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/mpd/permalink/m35RKSO2IS5A7U

i think we should have at least 20 posts in november

via videosift.com

alan colmes grows a pair

Alan Colmes is leaving Hannity and Colmes.

interesting fact: The Colmes family golden retriever eats her supper sitting on her own special chair at the dinner table (adorable) while Alan's wife forces Alan to wear a doggie collar and eat his dinner out of a doggie dish on the floor!
Alan's Wife---------->

Literature&English

I feel obligated to share this conversation with you. The internet is indeed a magical place.

From the World of Manly Men

The internet is perfect. Love.

J.C.V.D. hits on reporter

J.C.V.D. interview.

"I really opened myself up in "JCVD." I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are."

Welcome to the South, out of Roanoke.

I didn't meet a trucker, but I found this on my way in and it made me chuckle.



Also, it's not so bad here. It was snowing when I pulled in, but they sell booze til midnight so I got a bottle of wine because I couldn't find whisky or beer or gin or vodka or wine coolers or rubbing alcohol. Also, I have H.BO which is great because Sookie Stackhouse is hot and they play both Georgia Rule and Die Hard II, which, let's face it, is never on. FYI, whatsherface is pretty f'd up in Georgia Rule (type cast?) and I no longer wonder why they never play Die Hard II.

I also have a bitchin pad.



Also, I have a pretty sweet recliner.

BTdubs, did you know that they made American Psycho II: All American Girl starring Mila Kunis and William Shatner, directed by Morgan Freeman!? I know, right! Alright, so it's Morgan J. Freeman... not the guy from the Toppers phone call. Yeah, I thought it was a joke too, but it's not. I'm planning on giving it 3 WTFs!?, 1 Are Ya Kiddin' Me?, and a 5 out of 5 on Netflix.

I can't wait

Meet Your Local T.V. Anchor: Carl Agnelly

Carl Agnelly joined the 27 News team in September 2004 at the fresh young age of thriteen. Four years later, and almost old enough to be tried as an adult,
Carl is the WKOW weekend anchor and "Down to Earth Reporter."

Ouch!

I guess they've hit rock bottom . . .

http://gawker.com/5091132/the-roots-to-be-jimmy-fallons-band-we-are-old-and-sad

I love my job.

Shepard's Pie


A Sexy Chili Cheese Dog


Oh, right... I give them 10.7 Footballs out of 10.7.

happy birthday

Wainy Days #12

I Feel Alright Tonight

I imagine most of you are feeling ecstatic after Obama's victory Tuesday. I certainly have a nice bounce to my step these days. We finally have a man with some soul in the White House. I've attended only two classes this week in an effort to savor and appreciate the moment. I will be continuing this party throughout the weekend if any of you would like to join me in a toast (or two) to celebrate the fact that our country has not gone completely retarded. (Sorry to anyone that voted McCain, yes I am implying that you are retarded, unless I guess you make like a million dollars and don't want to be taxed and pay for services like a fire department or an education in society, that's legit). Things are looking up these days my friends - Springsteen has a new album coming out in January, there are now two hot dog joints on State Street, that annoying construction to build what I believe has to be an underground pool has to be almost complete in library mall, and new teacher salaries should increase with Obama in office.

The End of an Era

...!!!


*******Automated Message - Please Do Not Reply******
Account deactivation notice for NetID related services:

DoIT will deactivate NetID related services for people our records indicate to be non-eligible
students, faculty, or staff on TuesdayNovember 11, 2008.


The following NetID services will be impacted for the above account:
WiscCal
Dial
WiscMail
NetID
News
My UW-Madison
VPN
My WebSpace
Wireless

Note: By matter of relation, those seeing 'NetID' in the above listof services should also expect to see access disabled to Learn@UW.

smile!

I'M BUGGIN OUT

BAHHHHHH HALLOWEEEEEN AAAHAHARRGGHGHHHHH BOOOOOOOZZZZEEEEEEE.
Dance Party Friday + Halloween + Caption Contest = least coherent post ever.

Also, check out my office:

I really like it, I'm listening to Bob Marley right now.

I've always felt that I would be more productive if I had me standing over my shoulder:

More Halloween Celebrations

Well, I guess these next pix aren't necessarily a celebration of Halloween. They're really a celebration of the Hulk in all of his glory. Love it.

Caption Contest Winner #13

The last pic was tough, but I'll have to go with Uptown for the win. His silence spoke volumes. The next pic celebrates Halloween past. It absolutely had to happen. Enjoy:

Have a Schlitz and Say Goodbye

Hey Dudes,

  As you may or may not already know, I'm leaving for Namibia on Tuesday.  I'd like to invite you to an open house on Sunday, November 2nd, from 1PM to 5PM at 725 Copeland St.  We'll have some food and drinks.  Also, I started a blog so you can see what's happening on the side of the pond: www.greginnamibia.blogspot.com.  I hope to see you before I go.

Love,

Greg

XOXO

Caption Contest Winner #12

I think I'm gonna go with a three-way tie amongst James, Willips, and Sammy for the last pic. Three-way, heehehehehe. Perhaps a slight edge to Slam. I'm running thin on quality pix, so things might get a little crazy on the caption contest page. Happy captioning. This one might be hard.

Cloverfield (2008)

This is a turd of a movie. With no exceptions every character is a horrible d-bag with controlled stubble and until it happened I was praying for the monster to come and kill them all. Then the monster comes and it's all awkward and dumb and hardly ever on screen.

I generally appreciate a horror movie if it just has something cool or badass going on, but there's nothing from either category in Cloverfield. There's one cool moment where a head explodes but it's not enough. That was the only real shade of cause-and-effect in the movie, too. The mythology never gets a chance to develop.

Another thing that sucks: the shaky-camcorder format is painful. The only reason to watch the whole thing is the expectation that it will suddenly stop sucking and live up to the hype. I gave this one star on Netflix because that's the lowest possible. Did you guys see this?

Also I'm coming to town this coming weekend so hopefully we can all go to Wendy's.

inside magic

Badger Herald Reviews Restaurants, Rebuttal Needed

Dear Hulks-in-Socks,

The TMCRs over at the Badger Herald offered up a less than pitiful review of some of Madison's greatest dining establishments during your week away from home. At Dinner Club last night it was decided that the staff at the Herald should truly be ashamed of themselves and should give up on life immediately. They gave Parthenon 2 stars out of 5, complaining that it has too much of a "Burger King" feel to it. WTFuckxors. We thought a complete Hulksy review of the restaurants mentioned in the 2008 Bar and Dining Guide was necessary. The challenge is yours, if you choose to accept it. Rip those CRs a new C.

Yours,
JC

P.S. I have kept my copy of the Review, if you'd like to see it. Also, in the Herald's defense, they got a few right: Lazy Jane's got 5 out of 5 and Teddywedgers got 5 out of 5. I've never been to Teddywedgers, but I've only heard good things.

Live! From Grenyarnia: Day the Second

This pretty much sums up my experience so far. Take that for what you will.

Live From Grenyarnia

First off, let me just say that my flight plan got changed. I now fly in and out through the Twin Cities. That said, if anyone is still considering going there next weekend, let me know. I made the mistake of using the restroom in Minneapolis/St. Paul, that place is cruisy as fuck.

I got in at midnight local time last night after the longest cab ride ever. There was supposed to be a shuttle for me from the airport, but I was informed that the driver had already gone home. I have no idea what language the cab driver spoke, but his voice-activated Garmin was not talking English (it might have been Svenborgian... paupers). He tried to drop me off at 9300 Sunnyside Ave (a taco bell) when I needed to get to 9300 Sunnybrook Blvd. I tried to explain to him that, although a chalupa sounded really good, I was tired and wanted to get to the hotel instead.

Now I have missed the breakfast because I overslept so I'm going to do some exploring.

Snapple Cap Facts

High School Musical 2 (2007)

School's out. Troy (Zac Efron) is offered a job at the country club due to the recently dethroned East High drama queen and daughter of club board members Sharpay (Ashley Tisdale)'s desire to seize control with Efron as her king. Troy must choose between his girlfriend from the last movie Gabriella (Vanessa Anne Hudgens) and a life of fancy shoes, money and insider college admission. It's a summer journey that teaches the East High Wildcats about responsibility, friendship, commitment and solidarity.

Obviously it's a musical and the music is as good as you'd expect from Disney. At times the lyrics are a little silly, but that only adds to the overall giggly joy of the experience. It's also worth noting that the songs, choreography and overall production values have taken leaps and bounds from from the first movie, which of course we've all seen.

That leap in production value definitely comes through in the visuals. This is a very pretty movie. The dancing is great and the screen is always bright and colorful. The cast has also aged well since the first movie, with Tisdale's apparent nose job bumping her up about 2 points. Her and Hudgens are nice to look at even in their Disney-sanctioned midriff concealing bathing suits. And Efron has the most amazingly bright, soul-piercing eyes. It's like they're CG. They may be the reason the movie seems so colorful. I'd probably do anything he wanted if there was eye contact first. He also does all these great dramatic flourishes with his hands. I dare you to watch this without squealing:



I can't imagine anyone needing more convincing than that clip of Efron prancing around. This is an awesome movie. The plot is about what you'd expect, but it's really secondary to the sensory experience. Watching HSM2 is how I imagine a baby feels watching the Teletubbies. I just giggle and clap my hands and then start the movie over again. It's playing right now. HSM3 comes out October 24th and this time it's in theatres. Get excited.

You better believe I gave this a 5/5 on netflix (bet on it).

Lindsay Lohan at Gas Station

I wonder what they bought?! JK I already know ;)

Caption Contest Winner #11

Buster FTW on the Sophomore year Mifflin Street Block Party pic. Well done. Travis is such a pretty boy. Here is the next pic in need of a caption:

My Troubles

This, in a nutshell, is why I struggle with the idea of having a girlfriend.

Saturday Walking

I always knew that the average UW-Madison college student covers a fair amount of ground in a day on foot, but I decided to map out just how much ground I covered on Saturday night. Turns out it was almost exactly 6 miles. Holy balls.

Cross-walked

Yesterday I was assisted across the street with the help of a crosswalker. I should also mention, and this is important, I had a walk sign. Is it crosswalker policy to walk someone across the street during a walk light, which is by the way, alerting you to the fact that its perfectly safe to cross? Could this possibly be part of what is wrong with America today?

Close your eyes. Imagine growing up in a world in which you are taught not to follow walk-lights, and you need a man in a neon vest to help you get to the other side safely. Whatever happened to good old fashioned J-walking. J-walking is a metaphor for pretty much all areas of life. It teaches you to cut corners when you won't get caught, because not to would be completely retarded and a huge waste of your time and energy. The effects of this misguided crosswalker policy are clear: retarded children. Is this what we want for the future of our country?

Gus Doyle Presents: Grown N sexy Saturdays

this is mostly for uptown.

Christie vs. Paul

I miss you Sam.

A Glorious Return

Schlitz is back

Mostly for Slider

So, the government now "owns" a lot of financial institutions. Do you suppose the Man U jersey needs an update?



Yes, I stole this from FARK.

Caption Contest Winner #10

James for the win on the International Waters post. Am I right, ladieeeees? Here is the next photo in need of captioning. It's more sophomore year goodness. And good old fashioned Uptown goodness.

I'm no Hero

I'm no hero. I'm just a regular guy trying to make it in this crazy journey we call life. Did I not shave for an entire week? Yeah. Did the Brewers win and the Mets lose yesterday giving the Brewers a one game league in the National League wild card race? Sure. But hey, I'm no hero. I'm just a regular guy-just like any other guy- doing what I can. Its all I can do. Its all I know how to do. Sometimes I just think its the way I was raised. When Ned Yost got fired in September and the Brewers got swept by the Phillies in a four game series, did I think about what to do? You bet I didn't. I just reacted like any other guy. I did the only thing I know how to do: grow a full beard with a perfectly defined neck line. So you see I'm no hero. I'm just like you. I did what anybody else would've done in the same situation. With two games left in the Brewers season, do I know what's going to happen? Hell no. Do I know what I need to do? You bet your butt I don't. I'm just a regular guy doing the only thing I know how to do on this rollercoaster ride of a planet we call Earth. Did I wash and condition my beard with gentle product this morning in order to maximize softness? Yes sir. Did I gently dry it in circular motions using a soft washcloth in order to prevent dryness? Sure. Will the Brewers win today against the Cubs? Probably. But hey, I'm no hero.

Paul Newman is Dead at 83

What a drag.

Beer

I figured that somebody who regularly reads this site would appreciate this link: http://beer-ligion.com/. It's like REligion, but it's BEERligion. Clever.

Handy

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

They look like they're having a great time

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart and Prunes at 2008 Emmys

On a side note, I'm not shaving until the brewers win the wildcard. which is like roughly about a week and a half. You read it here first.

Also, very funny movie that my friend made

Macs, TV, and Irony

For those of you who have been watching TV this weekend (James), Microsoft launched a new ad campaign that features people saying, "I'm a PC." Ironically, those ads were made on Macs. Fail.

Article here

This is disgusting

Want to shoot at an angry vaginal opening while what can only be various STIs attack you? Probably not, but I saw this on kotaku and now I'm posting it here.

Geuueuehhh.

Yummie

If we had PSA commercials like this in America, I probably wouldn't have pubic lice! And I might not be paying child support every goddamn month

The Wørd: Powerless

As a long time viewer of Mr. Colbert, I must say this is the feistiest I've ever seen the man.

Just to lighten the mood, I leave you with this gem.

patton oswalt's graduation speech

read it

Caption Contest Winner #9

It's been awhile since I've updated the caption contest, so I decided to DO JUST THAT. Anywho, for those of you who forgot the most recent pic, here it is. I'm gonna have to go with Sammy for the win. Nice reference with the Thundershower. Here is the next pic. I tried to be a little more original with this one, but it is still 100% Buskus.

this is what i've been up to

My Dream Job

I know it's old and most of you probably won't find it that funny. Just picture me doing running at you in your place of business, but yelling "football" or "get some". I can't help but lol.

Riding the Bench

Remember Mark Eaton? He's written a screenplay!

Melissa Etheridge at the 2008 Democratic National Convention

Something awful for the kids. . .
What an embarassment!
Fuck Melissa Etherage! This will take a long time to forgive her. It was bad enough that she sung God Bless America but then to close on what she did. She's no smarter than Reagan.

The Site Needed an Update

So, the Olympics are over and everybody has stopped caring about non-football related sports, but I decided that Usain Bolt was the biggest stud of the Olympics. Screw Michael Phelps. Here is a video to prove it:

Little League World Series

One of my favorite things about this time of year is that the Little League World Series gets air time on whatever station has nothing better to run.

I'm not a fan of baseball, per se, but there's nothing I like more than watching a bunch of fat little hicks take themselves too seriously, only to end up crying like ten year old girls when they lose. I would have liked to have a video clip (because it really brightened my day), but I didn't feel like looking for one.

I Think I Could Probably Take An Attack Dog

I saw a girl get mauled by some guard dogs in a Bond film the other day (I think it was Moonraker) and I was thinking to myself, I could probably take them.

I'm not really sure if that makes sense because, frankly, they are pretty big and bitey. But really, if push came to shove, I think I could probably take them. If there were two, I'd kick one so hard in the head that it would flip over and whimper and then I'd let the other one try to bite me, only to grab it by the mouth and rip its jaws open.

Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Just not attack dogs that are attacking me.

Caption Contest winner #8

Sammy, FTW. Mostly because everybody alluded to his fantastic head-giving abilities and he handled it so well. Way to be Sam, way to be. Here is the next pic. The possibilities are endless!

This one's for JC . . .

I thought since JC is embarking on a crash course of David Lynch material in order to impress his apartment manager that I would post the only scene he really needs to know about to impress her. Your plan of having Slider call to discuss Lynch is sure not to fail if you discuss this scene right in front of her. Honestly, have you seen a better sex scene in years? Enjoy JC!!!

All those propel bottles

Mmmmmmmmmmm yeahhh. Yeah get it with the heel... with the... yeah.

Whew.

Dangerously lovely

if you watch this entire video i will buy you a nintendo wi

mark wahlberg is kind of badass

Caption Contest Winner #7

All of the captions were superb this time around. I was especially pleased with Buster's late entry. I also enjoyed the raw sexual energy that Jimbo captured with his post. Willips made me giggle and LOL a lot too. I think, however, I am going to go with Buskus this time around. Mostly because Boyce Hodge is a dick, probably. This makes Buskus our first back-to-back winner. Congrats, buddy.

In honor of James being in Europe until the 24th, the next pic is all about him. Happy captioning.

um...

You got a little sand...here, let me get that

Super Duper

Is anybody else excited for the next few days? I am. It's like a koala crapped a rainbow on my brain and now I get to live the experience!

in non-beijing related news

horray

OMG Beijing '08. Is almost here! STFU!

FUCK YES! Click here, and you will find out how to pass an olympic drug test by hiding a fresh urine filled condom in your vagina!

In other Beijing '08 related news, if you already booked your dinner reservations expecting a steaming order of Schezuan German Shepherd, think again.

Has it Been a Year Already?

In case you have forgotten, this weekend, a year ago, the Hulk was making out with Buskus at The City. Hotttt.

I own the report in August.

Mmmmm, Yes

I don't know what the flying things are, but this has the potential for being a whole new level of badassitude.

Caption Contest Winner #6

There was a low turnout for the last picture, but I think I will give the win to the Buskus himself. Mostly because of my follow up comment. Yes.

Here is the next pic that is up for captioning. I've returned to pics that involve the Buskus. This one is another classic:

It's August

I sorta like the trend around here when somebody points out the fact that a new month is upon us, so I decided to talk about August.

Holy shit it's August. It's over man. At least for those of us who are still students. Summer is gone. Basically. For you working types out there, your lives have been over for awhile. It's also going to be ball-scaldingly hot for the next two weeks. "Dog days" and whatnot. And we have to fucking move in this ball scalding heat. Dammit.

August, however, can also be viewed as a time of rebirth. It's sort of like Spring. Many idiots will leave our little city permanently, and many more fresh, tasty 18-year-olds will enter. That's right, the dorms open on Aug. 27--Save the date!

August also brings the return of football and drinking at 7AM...with a reason, at least. Once again we will be able to read about all the statistics of kids being rushed to detox in our beloved student newspapers. STUDENT NEWSPAPERS WILL BE BACK! This means loads of people completing crosswords, sudokus and kakuros while they should actually be listening to that intellectual type in front of them.

Alas, the summer is waning, but perhaps good things are on the horizon. It is with a heavy heart, yet open arms, that I welcome you, August.

This was the first hit on a Google image search for "August." I kinda liked it except for all the "John Tall" shit.

Oh, Masturbation?

This was on GMask today. Somehow the classic "Oh, Masturbation" did not make the list.

Lonesome and Alone: Day 4

So it's been four days since my life partner went away and I'm realizing that it's probably beneficial that we live together. I don't just mean that because we have a mutual admiration, but rather, my life partner is beneficial to my health.

Since my life partner left, I have only consumed a hamburger, frozen pizza, and a bag of chips. I guess I've been too preoccupied with my fridgefullabeer and videogames to pay attention to my stomach. New diet? I think so.

Some Silliness

I don't know why, but this video made me LOL for awhile. I feel like Sammy will enjoy this the most.

american pale ale: Day 3

I'm sexually aroused. Are you?

The Boys Were Feeling Good About Their Liquor Run

So as many of you already know, my life partner is in Houston for a conference all week. My life partner worries that I may be unable to fend for myself in terms of food so we went grocery shopping together late last week. We spent about $30 at Trader Joe's on some grocery type items (I think mainly frozen pizza and cereal).

You see... I had a higher purpose for my fridge this week. Behold and rejoice.


(From Left to Right: Amber, Island Wheat, Maibock, Blonde Dopplebock, Bavarian Lager, Munich Dark)


That's 2.5 cases or 10 6-packs or 60 longnecks. This is internet porn I can get behind.

Caption Contest Winner #5

Apparently I partied a little too hard a little too early last night. I'm actually equally surprised and disappointed with myself right now. It was a serious dent in my manly armor. Never fear, I will be back at it in full force in a matter of hours.

But now for more serious matters: captions. Everybody is a winner for the last picture. I truly appreciated all of the fantastic Freshman year references. Those were the days when I could actually drink and not call it a night at 11PM. The next picture is one of my all time favorite pictures of anything ever. If I'm ever having a bad day, I just open up this picture and everything is better. Enjoy:

Whiskey

I'm making a whiskey run (to hell with this "beer run" nonsense) promptly at 7PM to Woodman's. If you want in, let me know somehow.

Really Old but Still Mindblowingly Ridiculous

So, about 9 months ago "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan (actually, that whole name should be in quotes because not a single part of it is real, not even Hogan) was awarded father of the year. By whom or what organization, you ask? I didn't feel like researching it more than I already have, so that one's on you. Anyway, as I was perusing my daily websites, I noticed that Tyler Durden had a story today on both of his children, Nick and Brooke. If you've been under a rock for the last year, Nick is in jail for turning someone into a vegetable, and destroying the dude's fucking face, and Brooke has turned into a skanked-out, trampy whore who pretends to sing. She is also considering doing a spread in Playboy, apparently. Oh yeah, Hulk (Not to be confused with our Hulks-in-socks) is now divorced from his equally plastic, whorish wife, Linda.

Certainly anybody who has been keeping up with pop culture has pondered, as I am pondering now, how Hulk Hogan won "Father of the Year."

Thoughts on the issue would be appreciated. Or general venting. Whatever floats your boat. Or if you have the perfect ratio of PB to J for a good PB&J, I'll take it.

pickup bball 2day

if anyone wants to shoot some rocks (not crack) around 6pm on the dayton courts give me a call, we're trying to get a small game 2gether

Where Are They Now: 1993 Philadelphia Phillies - Part One - Darren Daulton

In part one of this 40 part series, we'll pop in and say "hey, what's up" and eventually, "that's fucking insane" to Phillies catcher Darren 'Dutch' Daulton. But first, lets take a look back to the summer of 1993. Jurassic Park. Series finale of Cheers. Czechoslovakia splits. Prince becomes a symbol. And most importantly, the Netherlands legalizes euthanasia. But one man, in-between saying his goodbyes to one of the best character driven comedies in the history of television and seeing Jurassic Park for the 10th time, had his second best statistical year as catcher for the Philadelphia Phillies. That man: Darren Dutch Daulton. 24 HR, 105 RBI, .392 OBS, 135 *OPS+. "Pretty good numbers, but not spectacular" you might tell me. First of all, thats a pretty dumb thing to say. Daulton not only finished in the top 10 in on base percentage, runs batted in, walks, and extra base hits, but he also finished 7th in NL MVP voting. On this '93 world series appearing team, Dutch lived up to his billing as the "Greatest Clubhouse Leader the Phillies ever had."
So.. Where is he now?
Dutch has had a history of DUIs, and in 2001 and 2003 he got charged with driving under the influence with a suspended license. The 2001 accident, Dutch claims, "was the result of getting run off the road as a consequence of a business deal with ties to the FBI and the White House."
This is a little fucking maddening, yes? Why would the FBI and white house want to hurt Dutch? Did they not watch the Phillies in the early '90s? Great team. Great team. As it turns out, the FBI interveined because of Dutch's "Unconventional theories regarding human existence and time-travel."
Daulton now dabbles in metaphysical philosophy, having published If They Only Knew in 2007. The book is a tour de force personal journey of one man who dares to believe in himself, and also the end of the world in 2012. Among his other truths:
*The universe is created and sustained by numerical synchronicities, and that all matter is charged with vibrational energy, which has escaped human perception because it is extradimensional in origin.
*Those who are conscious of this energy can manipulate it to affect reality in different ways, such as altering the weather.
*Pyramids and Mayan temples were created by a lost civilization, and that people with knowledge of the workings of the system will "ascend" at the conclusion of the Mayan Calendar on Dec. 21, 2012, at 11:11 a.m. (Greenwich Mean Time), vanishing into a new plane of existence.

Most impressively, Daulton explained in an ESPN interview that he has both skipped through time, and sucessfully experienced astral travel.
Now you understand why the government wants him to keep quiet.

Help For Hulksy

So The Hulk has another interview next week, at which he is required to give a presentation. Here are some of the considerations:

1) How to Drink a Guinness in Five Seconds
2) The Scrambler: A History of a Legend
3) The Day Long Hangover and How to Love It

Have any suggestions? Let me know.

Lord, Maybe I'm Not So Discouraged

I love massive nights. I probably love them more than the next guy. But I hate the feeling I get when they're over.

Do you remember back when you were young and you'd have some friends over for a sleepover? You'd probably try to stay up as late as you could, drink tons of soda, eat candy, watch movies, and play video games. I loved doing that. But the next morning, I'd feel utterly empty.

I've never been able to shake this feeling, regardless of what precedes it. In high school, I'd feel like that after big parties, football games, or dances. During college, it followed massive nights, house parties, birthday celebrations, and weekend excursions of epic proportions... often accompanied by an day long hangover. It's especially bad at critical life junctures, graduations, marriage, etc.

I had a massive weekend. A day long bachelor party left me sore, bruised, dehydrated, and sweaty. The drinking that followed left me exhausted (though, oddly enough, not hungover). I had a day of rest, followed by the best concert I can remember (and of course, drinking). But today when I got up I had no ambition, no drive to get up.

I envy people that can live even-keeled. Those people who can experience the best parts of life without feeling empty and hollow the next day. I'll never be one of those people. I'm doomed to live in boredom until that next massive night.

Those other people, they'll adjust well to a mundane existence as lawyers and government employees living out in the suburbs. They'll be content with their daily routine, maybe having a barbecue on the weekends or vacationing in Florida or the Rocky Mountains with their 2.5 kids and dog.

Maybe my pseudo-bipolar isn't so bad after all. Boredom and restlessness suck, but it makes the good times seem all that much better. I think I'd rather live in black and white than gray. I guess I have to stay positive.

Caption Contest Winner #4

The winner for the last picture is Slider's second post. No real explanation beyond that. He does things for me that other people can only dream of. Anywho, I decided to subject myself to the next round of captioning. Enjoy: