Caption Contest 17!!!!!!!!!

That's right folks, the glorious return of TBR's caption contest! Feast your eyes on this grouping of berry flavored Propel Fitness Water, believed to be the last six remaining in captivity:

Caption away! But please keep quality in mind and try not to post too many frivolous comments.

recent findings in a gentrified neighborhood

Observation:

The Echo Tap is a public house located near the Badger Bus depot. There is a bench near the front entrance which is frequently populated by the homeless/the homeless-looking. The bar seems to thrive during all hours - including the late morning. There are a large number of middle aged persons stumbling in, out, and near the establishment.

Hypothesis:

Based on the outward appearance of the public house, it can be inferred that the place is sketchy as fuck and is probably best avoided.

Experiment:

Two subjects, Slider (Subject A.qW) and j.patrick (Subject 42), consumed two alcoholic beverages at the dwelling of Subject 42. After consumption, the subjects walked approximately 40 paces to the site of the experiment.

Upon entering, subjects requested an alcoholic beverage from a bar tend. The subjects explored the area and discovered a pool table and dart boards on the second floor of the establishment. During the two hour experiment, the subjects played several games of pool and purchased additional beverages.

Discussion:

The interior was much different than what the exterior appearance would dictate. During the experiment, the subjects were adequately entertained and intoxicated.

Conclusion:

The hypothesis fails. The Echo Tap is the new Old Fashioned.

Mad Dad Dancing

In honor of the coming holiday and Liam Neeson's character in "Taken," let's enjoy some Mad Dad dancing. Note the seamless transitions in and out of hulk rage.

my one and only good idea.

so two nights ago, i said to myself, "self, i think we should have a beer." now, you know that my apartment is compact. from my love seat, i can reach the minifridge which contains my beer. when my beer comes from a can, this is good; however, when my beer comes from a bottle without a twist off cap, this is not good.

the main problem was that i kept my bottle opener (the wrench-esque one) on a stand next to the love seat. however, my life partner always removes it and puts it in a door in the kitchen (not in arms reach). she does this because "that is it's home". i have resolved this by creating a new home for my bottle opener.



it was quite simple really. i hammered a nail into the coffee table, on which i hung the bottle opener. now everything is within arms reach. i just wanted to share with you, in case you had similar problems.

if only i could find a similar solution for that fucking stupid kitchen table.

Get this party started

Time to officially revive the Busky celebration that is DPF. Let's get this party started please (British dance link!).

Not enough for you animals? In that case I've got some fritos and grape soda in my van (NSFW bonus link!).

douchebaggery-in-flight (and beer)

So I'm back in Grenyarnia and I'm having a hell of a time. Well, sorta. It's been like 50 and foggy since I landed.

Funny story about the flight, you know how I take up space like a gas? Well, on my flight to the twin cities, i was in the middle seat (i know right... just imagine). The guy in the window seat is about the size of your average chad, but this guy spread his leg out past his seat... his leg was clearly in my leg-zone and i'm stuck in the middle - i can't really move much towards the aisle because the other guy was already on the verge of encroaching into my zone. I wasn't really sure how to approach the situation... I figured the "call flight attendant" button would be a little extreme, but really, this situation is akin to the dude-just-sat-down-in-stall-next-to-me-and-started-shitting-even-though-i-was-clearly-shitting-first situation, at least in terms of awkwardness and difficulty to resolve. If you could have seen my face, it probably captured the same emotion as greb's "are ya kiddin me??" gesture when another driver does something douchebaggy.

How did I deal with it? Well friend, it wasn't easy. I was clearly swooped, if you will. but not in the queer way like when one of you homos loses a girl's attention to some other tmsocr, more like the "whoa, that dude just took the last beer" or "shit, someone ripped on jc and/or slider before i got a chance" or "fuck, this dude's leg is in my space" sorta way.

How did I get unswooped? First, I asserted my dominance by doing the crotch-adjust-plus-leg-stretch. He caught on a bit, but continued to push the limits. Next, I slowly moved my leg towards him, creating awkward (and somewhat sweaty) position in which our legs were touching pretty firmly. Unfortuntately, midway through the flight, he fell asleep and seemed more or less ok with our leg-to-leg contact. I became increasingly brazen in my leg contact until he finally switch positions and ceded the leg space that was rightfully mine.

Huh, I didn't really think that would take up so much space. well, no post is complete without some flashy photo journalism revolving around food and libations:

This is a pretty famous portlander brew, McMenamins' Terminator Stout. The McMenamin brothers are pretty sweet; they buy old properties and turn them in to brewpubs, etc. It's like a combination of teh old fashionedxorz and teh house on teh roxxorz. The one I went to was an old school. my words and picture don't really do it justice - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McMenamins. the beer was pretty good, but overhyped... portlanders think very highly of their beers. pride before the fall, bitches.

yeah, it's not caviar and champagne, but i'm not james bond (yet). i appreciate sampling the fare of other locales, so i got a philly cheesesteak, southwest eggrolls, and a manhattan... that covers at least three states, i think.

xoxo from the city that refuses to enforce federal immigration policies

I'M BUGGIN OUT

BAHHHHHH HALLOWEEEEEN AAAHAHARRGGHGHHHHH BOOOOOOOZZZZEEEEEEE.
Dance Party Friday + Halloween + Caption Contest = least coherent post ever.

Also, check out my office:

I really like it, I'm listening to Bob Marley right now.

I've always felt that I would be more productive if I had me standing over my shoulder:

Lonesome and Alone: Day 4

So it's been four days since my life partner went away and I'm realizing that it's probably beneficial that we live together. I don't just mean that because we have a mutual admiration, but rather, my life partner is beneficial to my health.

Since my life partner left, I have only consumed a hamburger, frozen pizza, and a bag of chips. I guess I've been too preoccupied with my fridgefullabeer and videogames to pay attention to my stomach. New diet? I think so.

The Boys Were Feeling Good About Their Liquor Run

So as many of you already know, my life partner is in Houston for a conference all week. My life partner worries that I may be unable to fend for myself in terms of food so we went grocery shopping together late last week. We spent about $30 at Trader Joe's on some grocery type items (I think mainly frozen pizza and cereal).

You see... I had a higher purpose for my fridge this week. Behold and rejoice.


(From Left to Right: Amber, Island Wheat, Maibock, Blonde Dopplebock, Bavarian Lager, Munich Dark)


That's 2.5 cases or 10 6-packs or 60 longnecks. This is internet porn I can get behind.

Whiskey

I'm making a whiskey run (to hell with this "beer run" nonsense) promptly at 7PM to Woodman's. If you want in, let me know somehow.

I've Got Serious Training To Do

As you may know, I pride myself on my Guiness drinking abilities. Unfortunately, it looks like I've got some serious work to do.





Soon enough, I hope to post my own video. Until then, you'll find me training. I'll need all of your support.

Happy 4th of July

This is goin out to you, from someecards.com, "when you care enough to hit send."

JC, She's Got You Beat

What Made Milwaukee Famous

In true TBR fashion, I'd like to quickly welcome our readers from Milwaukee. Don't think I haven't noticed you... my eyes are everywhere. Just kidding. But seriously, Google Analytic's eyes are. Anyway, to help welcome Milwaukee, let's take a closer look at Beer City.



Some may wonder, "isn't Milwaukee basically a larger, more industrial version of Madison's dreaded East Side?" No. That's just incentive. How dare you compare the birthplace of Schlitz, Blatz, Pabst, and Miller to the home of Oscar Meyer. Not that the East Side doesn't have something to offer, but it's all within walking distance of the Square.

Was it the beer that made Milwaukee famous? Yes, yes it was. When you ask someone about Milwaukee, they probably won't acknowledge the city's Black Holocaust museum, Zoo, or Arena Football Team. They'll mention beer and maybe obesity, crime, and Summerfest. Old folks might harken back to Laverne and Shirley or Happy Days.



Eehhhhh.

"Woawoawoa whoa" The Buskus might proclaim, "what about the Bucks and Brewers." Sorry Buskus, I'd gladly trade both teams for a magnum of Schlitz, Blatz, or PBR. I've never been much of a Miller guy.



So friends, the next time you're consuming, think of our friends in Milwaukee and rejoice.