Did I Fall From Grace With God?

So I mentioned that I had a bit too much fun at a wedding this weekend and, as a result, I can't talk now. This is Day 2 of being a mute and let me tell you, I don't much care for this. Imagine the Hulk, unable to yell, forced to be completely quite or speak in a low whisper. It's just not natural.

Life as a mute sucks. I have to whisper to strangers when I order food/coffee. I can't use the fuckin phone, unless it's in a whisper... and that's sorta creepy for the person on the other end. I also can't bitch and rant (see: HCC) like I normally do.

Here's what I think happened. I have been complaining quite loudly regarding a certain situation I was in earlier. I may have said some bad things. Although I normally fly pretty low on God's radar, he picked up on me over the weekend because I was surrounded with religious people that talk to him regularly. Anyway, He got upset and took away my voice so I couldn't bitch anymore.

Either that or maybe I yelled one too many footballs coming back from the driving range and then chatted up the godfearing folks of Ozaukee County too much.

Errregardless, now I know how people with dumb-ness feel.

The Treasure of The Sierra Madre (1948)

Ok, I know this movie is supposed to be really good. I mean, it has Bogart and won a bunch of awards, but I wasn't feelin' it.

The story follows a couple prospectors who are looking for gold in Mexico. Bogart's character is pretty much like all other Bogart characters, except maybe a little bit more of a bad guy. He does a good job, but I think I might just be a little too used to seeing the badass-with-a-heart-of-gold type character (again, like Kenneth) to enjoy this Bogart performance.

Also, while I enjoyed the old prospector, Howard (Walter Huston), in a comic way, I can't understand how he got an Oscar for best supporting actor. Maybe it was for this:


Don't get me wrong, I don't hate this movie. I just don't understand the hype. You know how everyone says that Casablanca is one of the greatest movies? Well it is; it's fantastic. People say the same thing about this one too and I just don't see it.

Maybe it's all because of this scene:


I don't know. I gave it a 3/5 on Netflix. It's worth watching, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

Ozaukee County Didn't Seem Tired Last Night

I spent most of yesterday celebrating the union of man and woman out in Ozaukee County. Let me just say, Ozaukee County, I drink to you. It was quite possibly the most interesting wedding I have ever been to.

I had heard that the bride and groom were fairly religious and that having the ceremony in the Lutheran church was a pretty big deal. I was not prepared, however, for the incredibly conservative/traditional ceremony that followed. The pastor made a point of telling the woman that she has to be submissive and obedient and that the man is the spiritual leader, etc. This sort of religiously-sponsored patriocentricity makes the Hulk angry.

The reception was held at what I can only assume is Ozaukee County's version of the Essen Haus. It was a fuck of a lot cooler though. The thing that threw me off about this wedding and made it so interesting is that, for all the religiosity that I heard (I conversed with some evangelical types during dinner), there was a shit-ton of booze consuming. The wedding day quickly turned from an old-fashioned church ceremony to a German shitshow. It was fucking sweet.

The best man started it off with a roast of his younger brother. This was followed closely by the singing and drinking to the Schnitzelbank song. This is basically what happened:



I can't do the scene justice or explain this song properly, it's just a German song that incorporated drinking, costumes, footstamping, and shenanigans. After that, the dance broke out.

Even though I didn't get converted last night, I had to admit that the band was pretty tight. I had a bit too much fun. I lost my voice and can't talk today. OC, thanks for the good time, I fuckin owe you.

Good Luck With That.

Reply to: comm-733521302@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-26, 1:06PM CDT

Yesterday I was at the Imperial garden on University and Allen. I was taking my son out for one last lunch before having him admitted to the child and adolescent treatment center.

I was so upset about having my son admitted, and worried about my other son who has profound autism, that I left an envelope with a $100.00 bill and some smaller bills sitting on the table of the restaurant. By the time I got back to the restaurant the money was gone.

To some people $100.00 isn't much, but we're a displaced family from the village of Gays Mills. This money was to help with gas so that I could get back and forth to work on my house, which was substantially damaged in both floods, and run my sons to their appointments.

I would appreciate it if the money was returned, or any other help or suggestions.

God bless,and namaste

http://madison.craigslist.org/laf/733521302.html

The Hulk Rejoins The Living

Hello World, I'm alive! After being on a semi-nocturnal schedule for about a month, I'm back and better than ever.

For the first time in quite some time, I awoke with the fluttering and chirping of birds, the smell of morning buns, and the bone-rattling ruckus from construction.

Dawn is truly a magical time. It is the offspring of an age old ritual, a courtship dance between sun and moon, day and night, light and dark, Apollo and Artemis. Like dusk, it is a time when the world is alight with an mystical, hazy light. It is at dawn when all things are truly possible.

I eagerly await the remainder of the day, yet I will be sad to see the dawn go. I'll look forward to tomorrow, when the day begins to come alive again and the sun returns from its nightly slumber and slowly peak its head out from its resting place, much like poop that peeks out from your anus when you really have to take a dump.

BET Awards 2008

Who watched the BET awards last night? The tribute to Al Green excited me sexually. I highly recommend you watch Let's Stay Together.
Also, whats the deal with T-Pain? Seriously. Whats the deal? Also did you know I am older than T-Pain?

Save the Date

For any of you that are interested, my life partner and I will be attending the Great Big Sea concert at the Majestic (9/11, 8:00pm). I don't think tickets are on sale yet, but I'll let you know before we buy them.

Great Big Sea is a folk/Irish/pop group from Newfoundland. I would compare them to Gaelic Storm. They're sort of poppy and not hardcore (nothing like Dropkick Murphys or The Pogues).

I've never been to one of their shows, but I probably prefer their live albums to their studio albums. That said, I bet we could get drunk their. Also, I think they might have a large female following, so Jeremy, I'm sure I'll see you there. I mean, it wouldn't be nearly as gay as the KK and their would probably be like 300 more women.

If you want to check them out, try these songs in iTunes or Pandora (get them live, if you can):

• I'm A Rover
• The Night Pat Murphy Died
• Donkey Riding
• Excursion Around The Bay
• Helmethead
• Chafe's Celidh
  

Mostly For Sammy

Hey buddy, idk if you know about this, but I thought you might like it:

http://www.zombiegames.net/

I've been playing a lot of The Last Stand 2 (http://armorgames.com/play/1443/the-last-stand-2), I think it's somewhat recent.

HCC: Fairweather Gymgoers

So I was hulkin it out at the gym today as I have been for the past couple of weeks and I realized that Monday is the day to go to the gym if you're a twat. Looking back, there are probably 3 or 4 times the number of people working out on a Monday as there are on a Friday (all things equal). If you want to envision the graph, just think of my penis after viewing kids in a sandbox (NSFW).

And I'm not just talking about the people playing basketball or whatever. I've been going long enough to recognize/give nicknames to several of my workout buddies. There are a couple dudes that are in there MWF rain or shine. These are the decent folk, the modest folk; these are the people who will let you work in a set and who perform their lifts with exquisite form.

But there are also those people who only come Mondays (unless they go Sunday, when God and the Hulk rest... the Shell, however, is closed on the weekend). I don't have a name for these people, other than the endless strings of profanity that I use to refer to most people. These are the twats that show up on Monday to grab the 80lb DBs and, in a style that is similar to both a vertical seizure and a bicep curl, throw the DB to their chest. These are the assholes that stand in front of everything at the exact time I need it, forcing me to physically lift them up and move them, thus expending more energy than I had wanted. These are the CLTMs who sit on the benches, hoarding all the equipment while they shoot up HGH and pop Dexotrim while flexing their biceps and making courting-like bird dances to the females, thus forcing me to do my benchpress on the floor, using the Asian kid with the 45s as a weight. I think he's ok with it, but I can't actually understand him.

I suppose things could be worse. They could come on Wed and Fri too. Or I could be going to the SERF. Or that Asian kid could not be there for me to use for bp.

lol

Brokaw to Replace Russert?

I know a lot of TBR readers were distressed by the sudden death of beloved TR. I was a fan of Meet The Press and it was probably the only newsy show I watch (unless DualAction Cleanse counts). However, I don't think I'll be able to watch it with Tom Brokaw. I'm just not a fan. What does that mean for me? Well, I'll be watching more DAC and Turbo Jams when I'm hungover on Sundays.

No Music Necessary

Workin' it.

Job Requirements

I found a listing for a communication specialist with an insurance company. The physical demands for the position are below. So, do I need to revise my resume to include sitting, squatting, "twisting" (?), and simple grasping? WTF.

1. Check the frequency and number of hours a day the worker is required to do the following specific types of activities:
ACTIVITY FREQUENCY APPROX # OF HOURS A DAY
CONTINUOUS INTERMITTENT 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 8+
a. Sitting x x
b. Walking x x
c. Standing x x
d. Bending x x
e. Squatting x x
f. Climbing x x
g. Kneeling x x
h. Twisting x x
i. Lifting x x

LIFTING x
Ability to lift up to 15lbs

2a. HAND MANIPULATION REQUIRED? Yes.

2b. Repetitive hand movements? Yes.
Ability to use a computer keyboard required.

2c. Simple Grasping?
Right Hand: Yes
Left Hand: Yes

2d. Power Grasping?
Right Hand: Yes
Left Hand: Yes

2e. Pushing Pulling?
Right Hand: Yes
Left Hand: Yes

2f. Fine manipulation:
Right Hand: Yes
Left Hand: Yes

3. (a) Does the job require worker to reach or work above the shoulder? Yes.
(b) Reaching at or below shoulder level? Yes.

4. Does the job require use of his/her feet to operate foot controls or for repetitive movement? No.

5. Are there special visual or auditory requirements? Yes.
Describe: Working with computer terminal
Ability to see at near, mid and far range required.
Ability to speak and listen in person and on the phone required

A Decent Proposal 2

Here's a my schematic:

A Decent Proposal

Alright studs. I'm not sure if it's the Designer Whey or the Mountain Dew® Revolution™ coursing through my veins right now, but I totally think we should do this:



There's one coming up in Cincinnati and San Fran in October. I'm just spitballing here, but what if we did a Buskus shaped racer? We could attach a Rolling Rock or pack of cigarettes to a fishing rod and hold it out in front to motivate it to move. More info here: http://www.redbullsoapboxusa.com/default.aspx.

TBR Team, ASSEMBLE!!!

Irish/Canadian Music

I've been listening to a lot of music on Pandora lately. I was turned onto this sexy internet radio by our very own Slider. I'm sure most of you are probably already familiar with it (I tend to hear about awesome internet resources only after they're super old news). For all of you who aren't familiar, Pandora provides recommendations based on your preferences. You can input songs or artists that you like, tag songs that you like/don't like, and skip tracks if you're not down with what you're listening to. Currently, it's my favorite way to discover new music.

I've been listening to a lot of Irish/Canadian folk/punk music lately. If you're into that, make yourself a profile and a station.

Depending on what you're looking for, here's what to include:

Punk/Rock
The Pogues* (Irish)

Flogging Molly* (Irish)

Dropkick Murphys (Irish/Boston)

The Fenians (Irish)

The Real McKenzies (Scottish Canadian)

The Tossers (Irish)

The Young Dubliners (Irish)

Folk/Rock

Great Big Sea* (Canadian)

Gaelic Storm (Irish)

Traditional Folk
Mustard's Retreat (Nautical)
The Dubliners (Irish)
Danu* (Irish)
Schooner Fare* (Nautical)
The Chieftains* (Irish)

j.patrick seal-of-approval indicated by asterisks (*).

teeheehee

So I've been trying to expand my computer skillz to make myself more marketable in my jobhunting travails. I've done this primarily by taking courses through STS with DoIT. After conquering LaTeX, I decided to tackle Adobe InDesign. It's sort of applicaple to a lot of the marketing type jobs I've been going after, but apparently it's not in the cards.

I'm at CAE trying to get started and all the sudden I get this error:
"The licensing subsystem has failed catastrophically. You must reinstall or call customer support."

Wow, I'm so bad at this that it failed catastrophically. This ain't no ordinary subsystem failure. Thanks Adobe for your humorous error messages. Jerks.

For Town

JC Weighs In

There seems to be a lot of talk about power moves in the office lately and since I am the only one who truly has any sort of meaningful or remotely legitimate experience in an office, I decided to weigh in. And by meaningful or remotely legitimate, I mean "none." But that's neither here nor there.

Yes, late night emails and holding the elevator are all dandy, but we are passing over the most important power move of all: the audible fart. Nothing screams scrotal fortitude like ripping some wet, smelly, robust anal emission and then silently challenging the peons beneath you to question who dropped ass. The true pro will exude such confidence in his gas-passing that it would be a sin to even scrunch your nose in disgust.

Honorable mention includes taking a massive shit in the bathroom when at least 3 other coworkers are using the facility. Bonus points if the smell lingers into the hallway for all to enjoy.

On Having Buskus' Back

So, many moons ago, I told Buskus that I've got his back... errregardless of context. Luckily, there have never been any real situations where I've had to step up. In fact, I've found that the worst transgressor is myself. Let's recap.

On at least two occasions, I have sack-tapped the Buskus without provocation. Well, I suppose "sack-tapping" is a bit of a misnomer. I knocked his junk pretty fucking hard. On another occasion, upon greeting the Buskus, I immediately slapped him across the face. I still don't know why I did this. Roid Rage I guess. How did I resolve these gross infractions of bodyguard/normal person responsibilities, you might ask? By immediately apologizing. It's quite hard to stay mad at a dude that realizes he's just been an asshole. Additionally, I was probably pretty drunk. It's even harder to stay mad at a drunk asshole that quickly apologizes for being an asshole. Does this relinquish me of all guilt? Not really. But it does serve as a learning device for potential future encounters. Let's consider.

If the Buskus was to get into a situation in which steppin'-up would be required, my first instinct would be to immediately slap the potential aggressor or knock him in the balls. This would serve two purposes. First, it would remove the focus from the Buskus, who it is my sacred duty to protect (at most costs). More importantly, it would allow me to immediately apologize to the potential transgressor for my behavior. Inevitably he or she (hehe... she) would forgive my transgression and we could later joke about it with our friends, thus safely diffusing the situation and allowing me to hit someone in the balls (an extra bonus, I guess).

You might wonder what my motivation is to remove the Buskus from the fray. Some of you might think that it's because the Buskus couldn't handle himself. "Hohoho," I chortle in response to your ill-informed retardness. The Buskus needs no protection. I'm not protecting the Buskus from an aggressor. Nuh nuh nuh no, I'm protecting the aggressor from the Buskus. You see, from what I've heard, the Buskus won't fight you.

He'll kill you.

Response to Slider: The Power Email

I agree with the first two points, but I think the power email deserves a bit more consideration. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how this is received and I think you have to consider your audience a bit. A wannabe yuppie like Slider or Grebutron (circa 2005/2006) would easily be impressed by a 4:30 AM email, but would a more reasonable audience? Perhaps not.

One audience that would be bad is the HR department when you're applying for a job. For example, if I were to send a job application email at 3:00AM tonight, the recipient would probably just consider me an unemployed bum that has nothing better to do, so he's up at 3:00AM.

If you are gainfully employed, you might make people question your quality of work. For example, if one of the attorneys at my office did that regularly, their clients would probably wonder if the drafted agreement was up to snuff... everyone has witnessed crappy late-night writing. That draft could be perfect, but it could be met with more skepticism if it's sent out at an odd hour.

Finally, the whole concept could completely backfire on you. Instead of your recipient thinking "wow, this guy's really burning the midnight oil for me" he might think, "wow, this guy is slow as hell, otherwise he wouldn't need to be in the office so late," or "wow, this guy procrastinated my work and had to stay late." I would offer this instead.

Even if you do the work late, consider sending the email in the early morning, like 7:00 or 7:30. This way, it's still acceptable business hours and your recipient could appreciate the "early bird attitude." More importantly, if there is no deadline for the email, it will be considered early since it arrived first thing during the day. For example, an email that goes out at 4:30AM Tuesday morning may be considered work that you didn't finish in time on Monday whereas an email that goes out at 7:30 Tuesday morning may be considered the first thing you did Tuesday.

Just remember to always consider your audience. Old folks aren't as wildly impressed at our ability to stay up until the wee small hours of the morning as younger folks are.

Major: Buskus

Last show of tour?

Here's the latest news in the E Street community.


Tour to finish in August
Several sources are now saying that the fall leg of the Magic tour has been scrapped and that the tour will end in Milwaukee on August 30. There may be more shows added to the August schedule (including allegedly one in Philly), but that will be it. There is no official word, let alone an official reason for this change of plans, but one source says that it's due to "health reasons" and possible recording plans. We can only speculate what might be going on behind the scenes, but this does not sound like a voluntary decision on Bruce's part. It seemed like a given that he would want to be on the road during the high tide of the presidential election.
Particularly the word "health reasons" is already making fans dread that this may be the last hoorah of the E Street Band we will be witnessing this summer, and while another band member putting down his instrument so soon after Danny's death would be almost to much to bear, that is stil a way too premature conclusion to make. The way they have been playing lately there is no reason to think they couldn't pull off another tour.

I will for sure be going to Milwaukee now for that show. Sounds like it could be the last.

Channel 12 Knows How to Party

Since it appears as though Sam dropped the ball on Dance party Friday, I decided to put up a video from our friends at channel 12.

HCC: Carpet Baggers on State Street

Why is it that whenever I have to go make a purchase on State Street, there are always a bunch of dumb out-of-towners getting in my way?

Look, I realize that State Street is shopping district and that I should expect to see other people while I'm out. That's not my complaint. My complaint is that they're always in my fucking way. If I'm walking briskly down the street, they'll be waddling 5 abreast right in front of me. If I'm trying to enter a store (ok... the Gyro place), they'll be slowly filtering out... and making me hold the door! If I'm trying to purchase an item or move about a store, they will stand in my fucking way until I threaten their stupid, ugly fucking stroller-bound children with bodily harm.

Listen, if you would have just gotten out of my fucking way, you wouldn't have had to waste everyones time with the goddamn cops. Fuckoffs.

Also

There was an incident with corn oil back in '07. You might want to update the subtitle. I don't wanna talk about it.

Hen Egg-Sized Hail, WTF?

Earlier today, the National Weather Service issued a severe thunderstorm warning that could potentially cause "hen egg-sized" hail. Apparently the National Weather Service thinks that everybody in Wisconsin is on a farm somewhere and standard comparisons such as coins and golf balls just won't cut it. For reference, a hen egg, commonly referred to as an "egg," is about as big as the stapler on my desk.

Hulky Oatmeal

Want to spice up your oatmeal? Give it a little more nutrients? Here's my favorite recipe for oatmeal that will smack you full of shit.

1/2 cup oats
1/4 cup rye flakes
1/4 cup barley flakes
2 tbsp ground flaxseed
2 tbsp wheat germ
1/2 cup milk
1 cup water
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
1/2 cup frozen raspberries
1 tsp cinnamon

Consider adding these for the uber-hulky formula:
Secret Ingredient
5 fl oz whiskey
1/2 cup ground coffee
1 cup chili
1/2 cup iron shavings
1 small dog

I've found that the best way to prepare it is to put everything in except the berries, microwave for a minute or so, then remove and add the berries. That way the berries don't turn to mush. I mean if you like mush, feel free to do it your way.

Oh, you're wondering what my secret ingredient is? All right, we are going to use a protein powder here in the bowl there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that protein powder is there I will come to your house and I will cut you. The protein powder should definitely be added after cooking, since it's possible that over cooking it may denature the amino acids.

Sammy, I've Solved Your Problems

http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/job-JUFOLO8KBW5;_ylt=Av2F3ZrLFOjEOBjakExnoxf6Q6IX?search_url=%2Fjob-search-l-Madison-WI-k-video%2520game-d-FT-d-PT-j-PERM-j-CONT-h-video%20game%3Fsort%5Btype%5D%3Ddate

Overflowing Urinal

So I walked into the bathroom at CAE and I noticed there was a bit of water on the floor. The place also smelled like piss, but I wrote that off, seeing as how the room is depository for piss.

Anyway, I was at the urinal and when it flushed, instead of evacuating the waste through the appropriate plumbing, water started flowing for the rinse cycle and dumped a good liter or so on the floor. Well, I now know why it smells like piss in there.

The Foot Fist Buskus

Possible Career

Someday, I'd like to be the guy that comes up with the subject line for junk emails. I was surfing my gmail spam folder and came across some that I particularly like:

You will get her to bed with this
No need to be thin anymore
Revolutionary hardcore formula
Give her a good whipping
Be the new-age pleasure machine
Penis Enlargement - Truth
Mind blowing s3x awaits you

I really think that if I can't find a writing job elsewhere, I could probably do pretty well writing these subjects. I don't want to give away all my good ideas, but here are a couple I've been playing around with:

!nOt SpAm!
I bed 25 women and a mule after taking new rx supplement
Jaeg Bombs, HGH, Jaeg Bombs
Kidneys, spleens, cheap!
Want you I get you naked russian lady for much сексуальное общение?

Yeah, anyways. I'll keep you posted if I go that route.

Fuck Yes.

I came across this the other night and i've had it on repeat ever since. Springsteen only wishes he was as cool as this motherfucker. Enjoy . . .

Let the Womanly Battle Begin

When I think about Buskus I think about boxing. Then I think about slapping. I think about two Victorian women slapping the crap out of each other. Mmmmm, yeah.

This was on Kotaku listed as the best game ever made. Links:

She's going to slap you!

Slap her cheek!

Bachelor Pad Music: Moog Music

Alright, this will be the last installment (for now) of a multiple part guide to BPM. Again, if you missed the earlier posts, you can check them out here: An Introduction, Exotica, Sounds of the Space Age, and Excellent Ensembles.

To be frank, I hate Moog music. However, it's important for the bachelor-around-town to know a variety of BPM. Think of it as trivia that you can pull out while trying to impress that chick at your bar.

Well, Moog music is a form of early electronic music. It often includes theremins and other early synthesizers. The music takes its name from Robert Moog, who invented and marketed the Moog synthesizer. By the way, the pronunciation of "Moog" rhymes with "vogue."

Here's why I hate Moog music. Nearly all the songs sound like somebody is stringing together cartoon sound effects together in an attempt to see how many unrelated sounds they can squeeze into one song. Also, artists tend to just use famous songs, but remake them using obnoxious noises.

Regardless of my opinion, you may like it, and if not, you never know when you'll be in the trenches and wish you knew what it sounded like. Check out these tracks on SomaFM:

Harry Breuer - In A Happy Moog
Perry & Kingsley - Swan's Splashdown
Jean Jacques Perry - The Percolator
Andre Popp - Java

Also, here's an example for those of you who I know won't check out SomaFM:

You stay classy TBR readers.

Ghostbuskus II

When I think of Buskus I think of sexual liaisons. I also think of physical abuse and court summons. Thats why the recent news of Bill Murray's pending divorce has me so confused and upset. Does the good in Groundhog Day and Stripes outweigh the bad in Murray's death threats to family members, multiple affairs, and abusive behavior? Ultimately yes.

Everything's Coming Up Buskus

The following video encapsulates so many aspects of our beloved Buskus: Drinking, history, Clark Duke and even the famed Buskus interruption. You gotta pay attention, however, or you might miss it. Enjoy.

Welcome JZ

We've got a sexy new contributor. He likes chipoltle peppers and knows Trader Joe's better than I do. Welcome!

Friday Night Social

So Grebutron and I were hard at work this friday making burgers for the sailing Friday Night Social. It took me back to my PH days because I was covered in grease at the end of the shift and stuck working with retards.

Seriously, that kid was a spaz... not Grebutron, some kid called Daniel or something. He was probably under 5 foot and super energetic. At one point, I was hulking a huge container of iced tea and he came up to me, didn't say a thing, and just grabbed it out of my hands. Of course without sweet guns like mine, he immediately put the iced tea down. He reminded me of a dumber version of one of those little yippy dogs that you have to kick because they're always under your feet.

Had Grebutron and I not been busy co-piloting the grill, I probably would have more tempted to kick him into the drink.

Olds

So I realize this is like almost 15 years old, but did anyone else know that Michael Jackson owns the rights to On Wisconsin? Wow, that really tainted a lot of memories, I think I need to take a shower.

Channel 5

This looks fun.

D-Day + 23,376

Today is D-Day + 23,376. Most of the evidence shows that the surge on D-Day was successful and it might have led to us getting into Europe or something. Then we won the war. Or whatever. Hey, here's a picture of Hitler getting pwned by Donald Duck:

Poll Results: What The Fuck Happened To Town

The polls are closed, the votes have been tabulated, and there is an overwhelming agreement that Town has been lost in an extended phone sex conversation with Cory. I think Cory is in Spain, so I hope those long-distance bills aren't killing them... the sex must be good.

For Grebutron

What did you think of that girl that went out with us Tuesday night? I think we should set her up with Kenny. I'm pretty sure she was one of the more annoying persons I've run into recently. I think every sentence started with "Back East..." or "When I was sailing [insert ship name here]..." and yet for all her alleged experience, she seemed clueless. I desperately wanted to "accidentally" bump her overboard.

Uhm, also... it's not too late to join Kenny and Watson on Spray (tonight, 5:40-8:40)

1. Nathan Wernerehl

2. Valerie Freedman

3. _________________________

4. _________________________

Help sought in Sigma Phi Epsilon fire investigation

So apparently they still haven't found out what started the fire, but they're looking for tips. I'd like to reiterate my stance on this issue. While I do not condone arson, I do condone karma. If I had a say in it though, I would have preferred to have tons of piss, puke, and shit fall from the sky directly onto the house.

That would have been more fitting, although much less likely.

Fruitista Freeze

So Taco Bell has a new frozen fruity drink called the "Fruitista Freeze." Wendy's also has new "Frosty Shakes."


...4th meal?

Sweet New Hulk Juice

Hey dudes. For all of you that don't know, hulksie is a huge Dew connoisseur. I've been on board since I first tasted my first drop of the original, but my love of the Dew has only grown through the ages. I'd like to take you on a little trip down memory lane ultimately to discuss the newest addition to the Dew lineup.

The Original Mountain Dew (1948-Present)
This sexy, sweet, citrusy beverage was first marketed in 1948. If you haven't tried this, you're probably living in a hole somewhere. This is the drink of the gods. Perfect for juicing up before a sweet night of hardcore drinking. Goes great with vodka.

Diet Mountain Dew (1984-Present)
Not really Mountain Dew. Tastes vaguely of watered-down piss. Avoid at ALL costs. Recent studies in medical journals attest to the fact that DMD causes cancer, reduces sperm count, and can cause children to be born with the heads of golden retrievers.

Caffeine Free Mountain Dew (Uncertain-Present)
WTFuck is the point? Like all books published by Nicholas Sparks, the recipe for this monstrosity should be tossed into a bonfire.

Code Red (2001-Present)
Taste a sensation as real as the streets, bitches. I had this cherry-flavored Dew strapped through an IV during high school. Probably my favorite pick. Great for late night gaming and hangover cure.

AMP (2001-Present)
An excellent alternative to Red Bull. Tastes just like MD but flatter and with more caffeine and shit.

LiveWire (2003-Present)
An orange flavored version of MD. Not this author's favorite, but I'd recommend it over Caf-Free or Diet.

Baja Blast (2004-Present)
This light blue, tropical fruity concoction was a personal fav as a pick-me-up before shredding up the slopes. It's only available at T-Bell... like I needed another reason to go there!

Pitch Black (2004, retired)
This sweet grapy soda made my transition to college much easier. I had my mini-fridge stocked with this shit freshman year. I cried when they retired it, but...

Pitch Black 2 (2006, retired)
They re-released it with a new, sour grape formula. Not nearly as good as the original, but still great because it was like the original, except it tasted like they added some grape warheads to it.

So you may ask yourself why I'm all worked up. Well dear reader, it's because, much to this author's excitement, MD has released three (!) new flavors. I recently made a trip to OP only to discover the new versions of a classic:

Revolution – A blue, wild berry flavor
Supernova – A pink, strawberry, melon, and lime flavor
Voltage – A blue raspberry-citrus flavor

Best part? They all contain ginseng! IDK WTFuck ginseng is, but it's in there!

Also, Chuck Norris drink Mountain Dew. Fuckin Sweet.

Americans No Longer Racist!

So Barack Obama finally got the fucking nomination...maybe. I watched CNN all day and it was as if every single analyst was just now realizing that a black man was in the running for the presidential nomination. "Wow, we've been a country for 232 years and we finally have a black man running for president. What a momentous occasion. Wolf Blitzer, do you realize we are living through history!?" It was 6 hours of that. They also spent a lot of time on Bill Clinton and the way in which he referred to a reporter as a "scumbag" and "slimy." I giggled. And then Lou Dobbs came on.

All I know is that Hill-Dog is still going to be making her case come Wednesday, Nov. 5. In fact, she'll be bitching about Florida, Michigan, her years of experience and who got more pledged delegates forever. She'll probably prank call the white house about it. (Husky - not to be confused with our own Husky Busky - voice) "Is this Barack Obama? The same Barack Obama who got less pledged delegates than Hillary Clinton!?" *click* (To herself) "Nice." And what if Barack doesn't win the election? Lord it will be ten times worse. So none of this crap is really over.

I feel that American Samoa was the turning point in this primary season. If Hill-Dog had put in a little more effort there, and won all three delegates, who knows where we would be today!

wtf?

Alright, who changed the colors?

Bachelor Pad Music: Excellent Ensembles

If you missed it, check out the Bachelor Pad Music: An Introduction.

BPM often consists of large ensembles or orchestras. It's sort of like a new incarnation of big band music of the previous decades. Although this is really more of a theme than a sub-genre, it's an important consideration when devising your BPM playlist for your next swingin' cocktail party.

This is real lounge music, the kind you would have taken your spouse to see after consuming too many martinis to be fit to drive. It's often repetetive, catchy, and poppy. There's something very kitschy, but perfect for entertaining hipsters and people that shop at vintage stores. So pull out your iPhone and invite your skinny jean wearing friends to peddle their fixed gears on over to a swingin' soiree.

Here's what to play:
Jack Nitzsche - The Magnificent Seven
Wolfgang Kaltenbach - Party Shaker
Hugo Montenegro - Sandals Only
Hugo Montenegro - The Wiggely Pig Walk
Brian Fahey - Open House
Francis Lai - Marseillaise Generique
Joe "Fingers" Carr - Portuguese Washerwomen
Dave Pell - Like Young

Check out the rest on SomaFM or Pandora. Enjoy those cocktails and stay tuned!

Bachelor Pad Music: Sounds of the Space Age

If you missed the first two articles, you might want to check out Bachelor Pad Music: An Introduction or Bachelor Pad Music: Exotica.

Space age/atomic age music isn't necessarily my favorite type of lounge music, but it's fun to mix into your playlists. Also, I think a lot of the tunes and melodies are fairly well known and most people recognize it when they hear it. For example, I'm pretty sure that some of the songs I've listened are the same ones that I heard years ago in The Sims.

Since everyone seems to define this subgenre differently, I will specify what I'm referring to for the purposes of this post. Space age music is yesterday's music of tomorrow. But, unlike some people, I do not necessarily confine it to the early electronic music, which emphasized synthesizers and theremins. In fact, I tend to lump that in with "moog music" which I think is probably the most ridiculous of the BPM genres.

Here are some excellent examples of space age music. You can find a lot of it on The Ill Street Lounge radio station from SomaFM or in the albums Music for T.V. Dinners or Ultra-Lounge, Vol 3. - Space Capades. If there is a link below, you can listen to a sample.

Jack Beaver - Workaday World

Les Baxter - Shooting Star

David Lindup - In The Limelight

Orchestra Dei Concerti Di Roma Paul Baron - Star Fire (Jet Plane)
The Voices Of Walter Schumann - Holiday For Strings
Laurie Johnson - Happy Go Lively

Enjoy and look forward to the next edition!

Extreme Cage Fight

Just so Jeremy doesn't dominate the report today, I thought I would grace the report with a contribution.


And a special Sunday bonus!

This Woman is Dumb

Not that I want to dominate the report today, but this video is simply too good to miss. It's one of those fantastic Price Is Right contestant videos. Hooray!

Cauliflower Ear

This is what I watched on the TV last night with Jimbo. Check out that cauliflower ear on James Thompson. Nasty.



Also, in the second video, watch how Thompson takes a swing at the referee after he calls the fight. Teehehehehehe.

The Diarrhea Machine

Some more, a little like that O'Reilly clip: